Archive for Etiquette

How not to get a happy ending part 2.

We say “get comfortable”.

You say “what does that mean?”

I give the following speech: “You get as comfortable as you are comfortable getting. If you would like to leave your underwear on you can. If you would like to use a drape you can, it’s right here.” *I point to a folded sheet* “If you are comfortable being as naked as you were the day you were born, I am okay with that. I am an adult and will not be offended in the least. It is entirely up to you. HOWEVER, I will not touch anything that you do decide to leave covered. I will assume that you are covering for modesty purposes and in an effort not to embarrass or make you uncomfortable, I quite simply will not go there nor mention it.”

Now, what this speech actually means. If I come back into the room after giving you time to get comfortable and I find this:

Well then, I guess I will just massage your eyeballs….

Now if I find this:

There is no guarantee that I will be abiding by my own rules BUT… I will force myself to ONLY touch what is uncovered (and be cussing you out royally in my head for being a prude with a body like that.) I won’t touch the tushie OR the front pelvic area (dammit).

And finally:

You may as well clear out the rest of the day because you aren’t going anywhere till I’m done touching and re-touching to my little hearts content (aww gee, no neck massage for you… )

Do you understand me now?