The State of Online Whoredom

Sooooo…I was reading Momma Maggie’s April Q&A earlier this morning.  Read it. 

What was supposed to be a simple response to the first question and response regarding the proper way to go about engaging a whore’s services turned into this dissertation, which seemed quite appropriate for…Bad Brandy!

Hooker boards can be a dependable and convienient way to meet ladies and granted, it can definitely be a safer way to do so than randomly calling a lady off of Backpage.  However, one can absolutely look on Backpage, or better yet, Eros Guide; choose a lady of interest, do their homework (this is the key), meet a great lady, and have an amazing experience.

The problem with hooker boards is that they are oftentimes endless cesspools of misogeny and more often than not, reviews are strongly embellished and sometimes unfairly biased, pure fantasy, and even complete and total bullshit.  I cannot tell you how many times over the years I have found reviews of me that were just ridiculous; some profoundly exaggerated in terms of specifics such as making totally false claims of my participation in unsafe activities, then there’s the many false claims (and once in a great while maybe one based somewhat in truth) rooted in ego affirmation of the author such as “we went three times and she just couldn’t get enough”, and sometimes true, sometimes false claims of discounts I may or may not have given to a particular person on a given day.  Basically, true or false, these are all things I REALLY DON’T WANT ADVERTISED as they cause problems that are anywhere from mildly annoying to quite serious when I find myself in a situation where a gentleman expects me to engage in unsafe activity because, well, the review told him so.

The Erotic Review is particularly bad about this sort of thing because members can earn VIP status by submitting a certain number of reviews, and these reviews must contain a good amount of “juicy details” or they will not be approved.  Because of this, TER has denigrated into nothing more than a wide collection of erotic fiction that could very possibly be used as evidence of illegal activity.

Additionally, the boards sometimes serve as the preferred tool of revenge for angry boyfriends, disgruntled clients, and jealous individuals.  If you are a whore and you piss someone, anyone, off, there is a fair possibility they will try to exact revenge by fucking with your means of earning a living; which by the way is a serious violation of individual rights.  Certain hooker boards recognize and delete such things, others do not. 

There’s been more than one occasion where a lady has felt she had to put up with a particular client’s bullshit because if she didn’t he would write a bad review.  In fact it happens all the fucking time. Those of you who know me can probably figure that I don’t kiss ass; reviews be damned.  So, at least once a year I have to go through the hassle of sending TER a letter of cease and desist to get them to take down my profile.   However, I treat those who treat me well like gold.  Amazing how that works.

One only has to visit the “Eccieleaks” site to find the misogynistic tendencies taking place behind the scenes of provider – hobbyist subculture.  Note that this is the first time in any of my writings that I use the term “misogeny”; usually I dismiss such terms as useless neofeminist propaganda.  I like men and think neofeminist attempts to collectively castrate half the human race by denying their God given nature is the ultimate assholery.  However, here I think the term applies, although I had to look up the proper spelling (misogeny, not assholery).  Please also take a moment to note the following: a) if I were a gentleman spending hundreds of dollars weekly on provider ladies you’re damn straight I’d do my homework and even perhaps discuss my “hobby” with my peers, and b) I am a devout capitalist.

That noted, go ahead and note this: There is something very amiss when those purchasing any product or service expend more energy into and have more influence over the final product or service than those who provide it. 

The English-to-Stupid translation: This shit’s gone too far, yo.

Is that the purchaser’s fault or the provider’s?  Ha.  Rather than subjecting y’all to a diatribe of my attempt to analyze the economics behind this concept, why don’t y’all tell me 🙂

Soooo….speaking in terms I generally detest because while I believe very strongly in each individual’s right to make their own fucking choice and say NO, I believe just as strongly that if they fail to do so that is their own fucking responsibility.  Providers are adults as are all women above the age of 18.  BUT I can attest to the pressure to lower one’s price cause, guess what y’all, if you don’t then you ain’t paying your fucking rent this month. 

Coercion?  Eh…I wouldn’t go that far.  Degradation?  Eh…well..let me say that I wouldn’t recommend a restaurant as a place to be sure your waitress hasn’t been degraded, and neither would I recommend a hobby board as a place to be sure your provider hasn’t been degraded. 

Then again, I ain’t seen no websites dedicated to the fantasy review of waitresses…



HA Bitches UNITE!

I’ve been trying to figure out a way for any woman who wants to release her Bad Self can anonymously on this blog. I think I figgered this out.  However I’m not going to give out the user name and password to any ol body or hairy leg to use and fuck up the blog. So I has to KNOW you, and I has to TRUST you so some certain extent. I’m gonna be sending out invites to those who were interested here shortly but thought I would extend the invites to others that may not know and want to let it out so to speak.

Bitch on my sisters and have fun with it!

Email, let me know who you are. You need to be somewhat familiar with blogging software as in how to make a post and submit it. Then it gets sent to me for approval before it gets published. I haven’t really set up any rules as of yet, those will probably come along as it goes along, but since this is for you to scream, fart, bitch, and just carry on with your bad self… I can’t see that there would be many posts I would disapprove of.

Oh Holy Crap

Internet sex forum wanted ‘revenge’ vs. Long Island hooker later murdered, dumped in burial grounds

Read more:

Not looking good for internet silly hooker message boards. Ban the bitches like me who try to point out what could happen if hooker forums are discovered by the po-po but allow assholes like MonkeyPaw to spread their little “fantasies” about.
Damn the law, we need organization to pull the reigns on dipshits. Fine use the message boards for your freedom of speech agendas but use a reputable organization to find your pussy.
Ugh I’m so pissed!
If Lawrence Taylor had a place online to find AVP’s he wouldn’t be in trouble for hiring an underage hooker. Sure he could have used ECCIE or better he should have used P411 but if he doesn’t know these places exist how could he use them? We need an organization that we can spread the word about so that people like him would use it because he knows about it.
Fuck people and their “sensibilities” and their moral code. The economy is going down the toilet and desperate people do desperate things. The government doesn’t have the money to take care of your ass and you have kids to feed. More hookers are going to be joining the forces because they have to SURVIVE. Get over it. You don’t agree with it don’t hire one, don’t be one. But let people do what they feel they HAVE to do and hooking is a hell of a lot better than stomping on the life, liberty, or property of someone else by mugging or robbing.
Let us do it the RIGHT way and let us organize NOW else you will see more cases of forced prostitution and more murders of prostitutes. We don’t have time for you silly policy and law makers to meet in your cozy little conference rooms for months and months while you try and figure out how to placate society in general. We are trying to save peoples asses NOW.  We have already begun working on this shit and it is time to implement SOMETHING to help these women with room to improve later.
Ok I went off subject and into a tangent. But obviously some of these hooker boards are doing a piss poor job of keeping their members in check. As I said, keep the hooker boards for the asshats that want to spew garbage and talk shit. Right now it is the only inside community loose organization we have. But we can make something better and we can do it NOW. We need a BPB, a better prostitute bureau or something for the protection of both clients and ladies that we can advertise widely and freely. Not for promotion of prostitution but for safety of prostitutes. It’s going to happen whether you like it or not, we should at least be able to point clients to AVP’s and allow AVP’s to reach out to those that are going to be looking.
Fuck some of you people are stupid and yes I’m talking to law makers. Get your head out of your ass and recognize what the hell is going on instead of living in some hyped up fantasy of all hookers are forced and underage. Give people options and figure it out that there are consenting adults out there and leave them the fuck alone.

Stupid question #2

Him: How much for a fuck?

Me: Not an option.

And you know what? If it was an option before, it no longer is for you you crass son of a bitch! What? You think that would turn me on? Hey baby wanna fuck has NEVER turned me on! Not in a bar, not in my house, not even in my damned bed! If you are seeking a business transaction it’s “Do you do full service?” NOT “How much for a fuck”. GEEZ! Do you actually kiss your momma with that mouth? I don’t care what kind of girl you think I am or what kind of service you think (hope) I provide, there is still such a thing as having some fucking MANNERS!



Some people spend way too much time in the mirror saying, “OMG, liek, girl power to the max, yalls!”

Maggie McNeill makes a pithy and, frankly, normal post in her usual style of common sense vis a vis gender dynamics and the manner in which women naturally possessing a lack of testicleosity can also display a remarkable lack of, to borrow the colloquial, balls when asserting themselves.

Blog follower Susan Macauley comments to call Maggie a narrow-minded, generalizing hypocrit. Shockingly, this goes over like a ton of bricks.  Cue general dressing-down style mayhem in place of what ordinarily would have been a pleasant couple of hours of cafe discussion.

We’re up to almost eighty comments so I’ll just give the cliffnotes.

Susan: OMG, y’all, like, totally misunderstood me and are also mean.  *sniff* 

Vlad the Impatient: Bitch, please.  Pfft, next.

All: Ditto.

Maggie: Rise to the occasion, my minions.

Emily: If she’s gonna piss in your living room, I’m gonna rub her nose in it.

Laura: Ditto.

Kelly James: Suck my dick, uppity bitch.

Susan: They didn’t cover ironic wit in my women’s studies course.  That was a compliment, right?

Maggie: Oh, sweet Christos, just don’t break the place, mmkay?

And quite possibly the most perfect bitchslap in all of internet wankdom was issued by Andrea, supplied here in full for your enjoyment.  Look on her works, ye mighty, and despair!

You won’t be getting any apologies from me. Your posting is just typical female passive aggressive bullshit.

I love your blog! You’re so narrowminded! But I totally get what you’re saying! LOL FAIL. Ha ha! Just kidding! I hate how you pigeon-hole people! But I totally love your blog!

I’ll say to you what I say to all the women who engage in this kind of manipulative social bullshit: fuck you and your girl shit.

Oops! I mean, I totally love you Susan! You’re such a cunt! Just kidding! Love you! LOL!

Behold perfection.  ❤

A select few nuggets of wanky goodness.

Well, the personal attacks in the comment above and those that follow, save Maggie’s, Grahamj’s & Laura’s (thanks BTW), are to me a clear indication that some of you feel as uncomfortable about having your views challenged as the “Jezzies” (and others who don’t share your opinions), that you are so quick to skewer.

Which would have been a pithy and telling shot if, y’know, she’d actually challenged any views or offered up any relevant commentary other than her choice to sling buzzwords at Maggie.  Classic case of firing the first volley and then crying because, in the real world, sometimes when you poke people they take your stick and beat your fool head in with it.

P.S. FYI Emily: re LOL? it’s in the OED LOL #justsaying

Yeah, sweetheart.  Being an old lady, like yourself, I’ve BTDT, got the killfile.  I was mocking your belief that facility with l33t Netspeak makes you hip, which appears to have gone right over your head (again) because you haven’t learned ironi-  Oh, never mind.  You’re such a cunt!  Just kidding!  LOL!  Love you!

And now she’s haunting the comment thread, flinging emoticons like a monkey flings poo (the monkey probably has more heart for it though), in an effort to convince herself that smiley faces equate the moral high ground.  It’s kind of depressing, really, to see a self-styled feminist so deeply craving the label Nice Girl from people she’s ticked off.  Princess needs to learn that in the battle for gender equality, you can get your shitkickers in lovely Barbie pink with fluffy laces and three-inch heels that show off your ankles… but they are still shitkickers.  If you can’t wade in with the courage of your convictions, then stay home and roll bandages.

Stupid Question #1

Do you have a pic?

Amy is wearing green, I’m the one in the middle…

NO, we don’t have pics. Seriously. Mine are out there, you just have to look. My partner has never offered pics. Ever. Out of respect for her and since we work together. I don’t want to offer anything she is not comfortable with and so that neither of us are at a disadvantage or have a “one-up” on the other, I stopped offering them too. Most people assume this means that A) we are really hot or B) we are really ugly. We fall somewhere in between.

So once we establish that you are not going to get any pics no matter how much you beg, the question follows “What do you look like?”

We look like women you could run into at the grocery store. Average heights, average weights, normal normal normal. But yes, we do have boobs in case you were wondering.


Some women just crack me up

So I’m waiting for laundry to dry and am therefore perusing Google with a search for prostitution subjects posted withing the past 24 hours.

I come across CafeMom. With a web title like that you can just imagine all the harping and whining posters about prostitution and OMG HOOKERS!

I was pleasantly surprised. You can see for yourself here the number of women who were all like I’D NEVER DO IT! But it should be legalized, regulated, blahdy blah.

As usual I come across statements such as:

I have more respect for my body and my being than to sell it


I have more respect for myself than to sleep with men for money.

Here goes the conversation in my head:

Me: So you have more respect for yourself when you just give it away for free?

Them: I’m not ‘just giving it away’?

Me: So you are getting compensation for it. Just not cash?

Them: No I give it to the man I love.

Me: Does he love you in return?

Them: Of course.

Me: Would you still have sex with him if he didn’t love you?

Them: Of course not!

Me: Do you value his love?

Them: Yes.

Me: So you ARE having sex for something of value! You are a whore by definition.

Yes, one must realize that the laws – they are a changing. No longer is prostitution defined by handing over cash for sex, it’s having sex in exchange for something of value. To me, that may be cold hard Benjamins, to others it may be a wedding ring.

If you are truly not selling pussy then you are giving it away for NOTHING, not a drink, not dinner and a movie, and certainly not love if that is what you value. THATS what you call self respect? Wow. I have more respect for myself than to give it away freely.

Not in my bed.

Received from a gal pal o’mine:

LOL, so I had this gentleman friend over yesterday who apparently had the worst kind of heart attack it’s possible to have just this past January. He was 38, poor guy. He just had a defibulater (sp) put in a couple weeks ago and this was his “first time” since the whole incident. So we play yadda yadda and when we finish he makes the cryptic remark “well, at least I didn’t die”. He wants to play again, but once he started stroking to get himself hard, I noticed that his face was turning red and he seemed out of breath so I told him he needed to take it easy. He kept stroking anyway so I insisted he take it easy, telling him that I can’t take the risk that he might have another heart attack at my house. Well, he wasn’t too pleased and left in a bit of a huff saying he’s not a cripple. I wasn’t trying to make him feel that way but I’m also not gonna put myself in a position to have to explain to the cops why some guy whose name I don’t even know had a fucking heart attack in my bed. Plus, I might find such an incident slightly traumatic.

Just venting! Can’t say that one at my digital home now can I? for Christ’s sakes :-)


DUDE! Don’t get pissy! If you want to try and have another heart attack, you don’t do it in a hookers bed! WTF are you thinking! No you’re not a cripple but for chrissakes you did have a recent heart attack, take it easy. Realize you may have some limits. Proud of your ass for wanting to go a 2nd time around but come on. LIMITS man LIMITS! I would have kicked your ass out too!

I *heart* Lani

Because she is another one that tells it like it is:

…a lot of the time they are just timewasters. As in, they get their kicks wasting my time. This one dude has been texting me all last night and again this morning, asking prices and services and whether he can worship my body… I sent the link to the website, he continued to text things like “I want to worship your feet, how much?”Duuude. Find a computer. Turn it on. Look at the website. Check rates. Check services. Then text me. After reading the etiquette page maybe. Do not tell me what you want to do to my tootsies before I have had my goddamn coffee. Or if you want to check if I’m cool with your kink, maybe email me a scenario you have in mind and I’ll give you a yay or a nay. Sending me pervey texts just makes me think you’re beating off in between messages. I can’t cope with that before breakfast or after dinner. Actually, it doesn’t make me happy at any point in time, but I’m more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt somewhere around lunchtime.

I’m really not cool with people being sleazy in my general direction.Yeah, I know, some people think its part of the job description, but really, its just not. Not before you’ve paid me, anyway. Especially if its prior to coffee. Just so you know. *mutters into cold coffee about it being the bloody weekend and how I’m sleepy and grumpy, and I mean, who the fuck texts that shit to people if theres a chance they havn’t woken up yet?*

Couldn’t have said it better.

How not to get a happy ending part 2.

We say “get comfortable”.

You say “what does that mean?”

I give the following speech: “You get as comfortable as you are comfortable getting. If you would like to leave your underwear on you can. If you would like to use a drape you can, it’s right here.” *I point to a folded sheet* “If you are comfortable being as naked as you were the day you were born, I am okay with that. I am an adult and will not be offended in the least. It is entirely up to you. HOWEVER, I will not touch anything that you do decide to leave covered. I will assume that you are covering for modesty purposes and in an effort not to embarrass or make you uncomfortable, I quite simply will not go there nor mention it.”

Now, what this speech actually means. If I come back into the room after giving you time to get comfortable and I find this:

Well then, I guess I will just massage your eyeballs….

Now if I find this:

There is no guarantee that I will be abiding by my own rules BUT… I will force myself to ONLY touch what is uncovered (and be cussing you out royally in my head for being a prude with a body like that.) I won’t touch the tushie OR the front pelvic area (dammit).

And finally:

You may as well clear out the rest of the day because you aren’t going anywhere till I’m done touching and re-touching to my little hearts content (aww gee, no neck massage for you… )

Do you understand me now?

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